The Beloveds #6: Rob Dickerson

I first laid eyes on Rob Dickerson while at an art opening at a gallery on the Lower East Side on NYC in 1983. I was in the midst of a prolonged and ugly break-up with my boyfriend Chris Lemmerhirt (see: The Beloveds #1.) In fact, during that very art opening, Chris mysteriously disappeared, only to be discovered by a friend of mine secretly having sex in the gallery's basement with the actor Alan Boyce (Permanent Record, Totally Fucked Up, etc.) I was massively smitten with Rob from first glimpse, although, having picked up on my awe with an equally quick look, he avoided meeting my eyes for the rest of the evening so scrupulously that I assumed he'd categorized me as yet another ravenous, unappealing fan. Later, I would discover that the immediate attraction I felt to him was mutual, but my interest was completely undisguised whereas his was enmeshed in a game of seduction that I was far too innocently wowed to register and play. Rob was there with a few people I vaguely knew, including my friend the late writer Bo Huston, so I managed to introduce myself. He gifted me with a few distracted, cursory words before jetting off asap. I remember walking away from the encounter arguing furiously with Chris as usual, and feeling that Rob was a boy completely out of my league and impossibly out of reach.

It turned out my great, very sociable friend the poet Tim Dlugos knew Rob a little, having unsuccessfully tried to pick him up a few weeks before. When I expressed my awe of Rob to Tim, he went into matchmaker mode -- a thing at which he was famously skilled -- passing along word of my interest to Rob and vice versa, fueling Rob's attraction to me by turning him on to my books, and fueling mine by engaging me in rapturous conversations about Rob at every opportunity. Eventually, Tim managed to arrange a situation where Rob and I would not only meet, but, with his help, spend a sufficient amount of time together to hopefully get through the small talk phase and back to one of our apartments. That situation wound up being a reading I was scheduled to give with a few other gay writers (Edmund White, Larry Kramer, Felice Picano) at the legendary, now defunct club Danceteria. By then Chris and I had finally parted ways, and Rob was in the process of breaking up with his current boyfriend, so the timing was pretty ideal. After the reading, Tim whisked us off to his favorite piano bar in the West Village, clevely knowing neither Rob nor I would want to hang around there very long, and, sure enough, after a conversation a lot less diffident and more flirtatious than our first, Rob and I took a cab ride to my place and had the first of many nights of my dreams.

Rob was a sharp, clever, endearing guy who made quite interesting art, although without much dedication, and had studied modern dance but found it too laborious. He was also the most physically ravishing boy I'd ever shared a bed with. If a sketch artist had asked me at that point in time to describe my ideal sex partner, he would have drawn Rob naked from head to toe. I was crazy in lust with Rob. Even today, any idle thoughts I have about him inevitably turn pornographic. Not long after after we became boyfriends, it was time to shoot the cover of my then forthcoming book 'Safe,' and I put Rob on the cover, his head thrown back in pain/ bliss/ whatever a la a famous Mapplethorpe photograph. I commissioned an artist to paint a large portrait of Rob. I took scads of polaroids of him clothed and unclothed. Somewhere in my photo albums I have a shot that Rob dubbed his 'narcissism' portrait: him in my apartment surrounded by all my paens to his beauty. Things seemed to be going splendidly until, a few months into our relationship, Rob suddenly became stand-offish. He claimed everything was fine, but eventually confessed he'd reconciled with his former boyfriend. Classic story. Still, we became close friends, which was cool except for the fact that my desire hadn't diminished one iota, so there were still a lot of erotic goings on in my head whenever we were together. It didn't help that, some months into our friendship phase, Rob told me that the only problem he'd had with our relationship was that, having read my books, he'd been anticipating something much wilder. It turned out he had a bit of a secret fetish for rough sex that he'd felt too shy to share with me before. I told Rob I'd craved the wildest sex possible with him every second, but, having just come out of my disastrous time with Chris where I went emotionally and sexually full-throttle from the first night, I'd stupidly made a decision to proceed cautiously, thinking some conservatism might lead to better results. So our wires had been completely crossed, and, of course, it was too late in the game by then in Rob's mind for us to start over. So good platonic friends we remained until I met my Dutch boyfriend Richard Haasen (see: The Beloveds #2) and moved to Amsterdam.

I've written here a few times about my interest in people who are beautiful and my sympathy with the problems that come with being beautiful. It's also been an ongoing concern in my work, obviously. One of the major reasons that issue has become important to me stemmed from my friendship with Rob. He was a person who was constantly hit on and subjected to elaborate seductions wherein guys told him whatever he wanted to hear in order to get him bed, only to dump him heartlessly after they'd hit their target. There were a number of times during our friendship when Rob showed up at my place late at night, crying and devastated by having just been subjected to that kind of treatment. It was deep dilemma for him because, while he was quite aware of his physical appeal and knew how to present himself and play his part in the seduction game, he was also deeply insecure and afraid to force his suitors to know much about him from the outset. I suppose my sympathy with the pain and sadness under Rob's blinding surface and the comfort he felt around me due to my post-sex respect for him is why our friendship became so deep and enduring, and why I was willing to cope with my unfulfilled desire for him in order to be his friend. Still, Rob did eventually find a good boyfriend, although I don't know if they're still together. We drifted out of each other's lives in the late 80s. About ten years ago, we exchanged a few letters, and, while he didn't say too much about his life at that time, other than the fact that he was still living in NYC and ran into our mutual friend Brad Gooch on occasion, he seemed to be doing well. Since then, I don't know, but I would love to know.

p.s. (1) I was going to announce Art Criticism Day today, but with the groundswell of support for a day where people pick a favorite passage from my work, and the fact that the proposers of this idea have successfully piqued my curiosity, let's do that first, and I'll send out an alert for ACD next week. So send me your chosen passages at the usual address: contact@denniscooper.net. Deadline is whenever you go to bed on Thursday night in your time zone. Seeing as how I feel a little self-conscious about organizing a day such as this, I won't be giving you my usual nudges to get the entries in on time. But I will be very curious to see what you pick. And, obviously, thanks a lot for suggesting such a thing. (2) 'Userlands' contributors: If you haven't let me know which of the publication events you can/will particpate in, please do. The tentative list of cities is at the top of yesterday's p.s. Thanks. (3) Thanks a lot for the props on my murder mystery. I'm really glad it sucked some of you in. I'll be fooling around in different ways in the same general form for a while here, I imagine. Yeah, just thanks a lot. ** Perspects, About fucking time, right? Let's keep the momentum going. Time for you to record a track with pig latin vocals, don't you think? ** Saa viccenzo, It wouldn't totally surprise me if God threw a chunk of Mischa meat right down into your hands, so watch your head. ** Mikel motorcycle, Maybe I should do a link thing for the mystery. My habit of multiple posts per post wouldn't make it easy though. Let me see. Thanks for the wanting. And thanks for agreeing to do the Userlands event(s). Maybe we can organize a caravan thing and do some scooping up of the more far flung contributors. ** Jax, I'm off to the Writers' Festival this afternoon. I'll try to catch a Pallahniuk event, for sure. I've met him before. He's a nice guy. Typically for these festival things, the scheduling makes for a lot of tricky to impossible zigzagging from venue to venue to see everything you want. But I'll report back on anything that seems reportable. Cool you'll do the London event. Hopefully, we'll be able to make the event fun for us targets. That's the idea. I hate doing those kinds of things too. ** David c., Big thanks for your lovely cheerleading all along, man. ** Antonio, I so crazy I know. Takes one to know one. ** Atheist, Are you allowed to come to the 'Userlands' event? Uh, in theory the guy who dropped the bomb on Hiroshima is allowed to come, so clearly you are. On possibly interviewing Klark and/or Mischa: I can share my experiences. A few years ago I was planning to do a big nonfction piece on Russian porn, and I tried to contact a handful of the more prominent Russian porn stars at that time. The only way to reach them was through the sites they modeled for, and I had little luck. A couple of the webmasters said they'd try to put me in contact with the models, but they never did. The only 'luck' I had was with a couple of the porn stars who also worked as escorts. I managed to write to them directly using the email address whereby they solicited clients. One of the models had heard of me and said he was interested, but then never followed up. The other boy wrote me back, but, as I discussed here ages ago, this was his email: 'I hate Americans!' Now, you doing this project in an academic context will help legitimize the project, so that might make a big difference. But, as far as I can tell, you'll have to start by contacting the sites. Also know that most of the boys speak very little if any English, so you'll either need a translator or you'll need to use a translation service like babelfish to turn your queries into Russian and vice versa. If you get into the project and think I can help in some way, let me know. It's an excellent idea, but know that you might wind up interviewing models that aren't your first choice. ** Aaron, Thanks for agreeing to read. I'll let you know the specifics. ** David ehrenstein, I knew one of Nureyev's boyfriends a little back in my NYC days. I forget his name, but he was also a common Mapplethorpe model. Nice guy, now dead sadly. The Foley entry on your site was both prceless and very informative. God, how great is it to see these Republican monsters self-destructing all over the place. ** Joe mills, I don't need to tell you I'm on board with the Russian accent appreciating. I still haven't received your books. It's quite annoying. There's something up with the mail here, obviously, since things coming in and going out seem to be entering a void. But don't give up hope. It really can take eons. Well, you seem better, no? I mean if not tip top yet. You're having bad luck too? What the fuck is going on? I hope the specialist knows his shit. ** Mark, Hey. Cool you can read. SF, Detroit, check. I'd imagine Portland at least might get added to the event cities list, depending on whether another local or two can get rounded up. ** Lost child, I'll go check out your pal Erick, thanks. ** Nikolas, How are things here? Err, possibly slightly better, but no way am I counting my chickens yet. I've only heard a teentsy weentsy bit of Be Your Own Pet. It sounded intriguing. Back ache, why? Yeah, the interview is one of the things I'm horribly far behind on. I'm trying to catch up, and I'll do my best to do it as soon as possible. Thanks for being patient with me. ** Robert-nyc, Well, yeah, you'll read in the NYC event unless you've got a very convincing note from your doctor. Thanks. More details soonish. ** Rigby101, Totally. Couldn't you see the Crisco glittering on His 'welcoming' hand? Your friend's email was nice to read. 'Word painting:' cool. Weekends are there for self-sorting, and I hope to do the same. Race you to contentment-ville? ** Michael karo, So you're in the clear headed crowd like me. It's not so bad, right? Coffee rules, etc. ** Teenagekicks, Hey, awesome to see you. Uh, I'm going to take your cryptic, question mark ending Userlands event sentence as a yes on NYC, okay? ** Tosh, I'm following the Senate's cave-in to Bush with similarly boiling blood. I'm also trying to think positively about the counterpoints: the report that the Iraq war has made terrorism worse (astonishing that that's news in the US, it being so unbelievably obvious and long since seen as duh fact everywhere else in the world), Woodward's new Bush's lies exposing book and upcoming 60 Minutes appearance, etc. But that doesn't mean my brain isn't screaming, Kill them all! Thanks, Tosh. ** Adjoun, Well, I think the gayromeo boy sounds like a ton of fun, and I pat you on the back for going for it. And I hope you'll get some lovely drawings out of it as well as a clean pad if not the world's biggest sperm explosion. Describing Compton-Burnett's work as being really staged is an excellent characterisation. ** Vomitingghosts, Thanks for the kindness. ** Paradigm, Caves! I want to hear about that. I have a bit of a cave fetish. And not just the ones in people's butts, the real things. Australia must have killer caves. Are you doing proper spelunking, or are you doing the wandering about with a flashlight kind of caving, which is more my speed. I should do a Cave Day. ** Killer luka, I don't know about the okayness of artists drawing cadavres in medical school generally, but I'm surprised it's not okay where you live. Why? I'll make a note to ask some artists friends here and in LA. I know early Covenant. That's some swell stuff, yeah. ** Jack, Great. I've got you down for SF and LA. Thanks a lot. ** Math tinder, Yeah, 'Motorcycle Bob' sounds suspiciously like a hybrid rip off from Twin Peaks, Gypsy Pete in Frisk, and some bad hard rock song or other. ** Garrison, LA and possibly SF, got it, thanks. I'll let you know if there's any contract arrival problems. ** Jose, You don't have to read if you don't want to, though it would be very cool if you did. Anyway, I have you down for NYC at minimum, as a presence if nothing else. I've always had a hard time fully embracing regular Metal too, apart from the occasional cranking up of the car radio at stressful driving moments. It would make life a little more fun if I could, what with all these dinosaur Metal bands touring everywhere every minute. Priest is playing here soon, but nope. Great luck with the storyboarding. It's a really interesting form, no? ** Have an excellent weekend, all of you.

Recipe for Disaster, A Murder Mystery: Episode 10 ('A Spiral')

Mischa: 'Then the boy said, 'Now, clean up this fucking mess.' And they did. Then he used his evil powers to erase their memories. The End.'
Petya: 'Fucked up story. So they weren't horny fags anymore?'
Mischa: 'Yeah, they just didn't know they were.'
Petya: 'Oh, that's ... interesting. I mean weird.'
Egor's voice: 'Weird, yeah. Still fags. Ha ha ha.'



Aleksei: 'Being a fag would be weird, no? If I was a fag -- and I'm not, obviously -- it'd be gross, right?'
Egor: 'Uh ... mm ... Ha ha ha. I mean I'd suck Mischa's dick but that's because he's my brother.'
Aleksei: 'Me too. I mean not that I ... I mean if it would save his life or something.'
Egor: 'Hey, Mischa? Who's that weird guy out in the woods you keep waving to?'

Scary guy #1: 'Boss ... I mean Mischa? I-ay orgot-fay e-thay ignal-say. Orry-say.'
Mischa's voice: 'E-thay ignal-say is-ay en-whay I-ay ell-yay, Ake-tay at-thay ot-hay oad-lay, itch-bay.'
Petya's voice: 'Why are you talking like a Martian, Mischa?'
Mischa's voice: 'Oh, my friend's from ... Poland. I was talking to him in Polish.'



Aleksei: 'Wow, I'm so drunk. It's, like, I could do something gross, and it would be okay because I'm so drunk, you know?'
Petya: 'Yeah, I'm really drunk too. I'd even butt fuck one of you, I'm so drunk. Ha ha ha.'
Egor: 'I'm so drunk, I'd even let you. Ha ha ha.'
Mischa: 'Let me finish my beer then let's get totally gross. Dibs on Aleksei.'

Aleksei: 'This is fun, but I wish all those guys in weird masks weren't watching us.'
Mischa: 'Oh, they're just voyeurs, and those masks are really fashionable in Poland.'
Petya: 'This is weirdly like that story you told us. God, I love coincidences. Life's so great.'
Egor: 'Being a fag when you're drunk is great. The rest of life is kind of depressing.'

Scary guy #2 (thinking): I miss Boris. Mischa's a sexy little cunt, but it's not like I'll be getting any.'
God's voice: 'If you killed him, you'd be the boss.'
Scary guy #2 (thinking): 'You know, if I killed him instead of his friends, I'd be the boss. Hm.'
God's voice: 'And God really wants to fuck Mischa, so you'd be doing God a favor. God remembers those who do Him favors.'




Petya: 'Who'd have thought my best friend would have a tight ass.'
Egor: 'Ouch, ouch, ouch. That's a compliment.'
Mischa: 'Ahem ... (raising his voice) Take that hot load, bitch!'
Aleksei: 'Mischa, uh, those guys in the woods are --'
Mischa: 'No, kill my friends, you weirdos. Not me, my friends. Not --'



God's voice: 'Mischa, sweetie. Aim for the hand. That's it. Almost here.'
















(The End)

p.s. Hey. (1) Attention 'Userlands' contributors. Akashic Press and I are starting to plan out the publication events for the anthology. We have a tentative list of cities where events will take place (although it is quite likely to be expanded depending on contributors' opinions/interest). They are New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Detroit, London, and Paris. What I need to know from contributors is, first, a heads up that you're interested in reading at one or more of these events, and, second, which of those cities is/are doable for you in terms of being able to get/be there. At the moment, we're thinking the events will take place in March, as the book will likely come out in either late January or February, and I'm required to be to be in France for the entirety the latter month. I'm spacing a bit on where you all live, so if a few of you live within easy reach of another big city I haven't mentioned, an event could be scheduled there. For now, let me know if you want to participate in one or more of the events, and which of the cities is a plausible location for you. Thanks a lot. (2) My vote on yesterday's Battle of the Swedish bands goes like this: #1 by a nose, Dungen, with The Knife a close second. Thanks to you who cast yours. ** Pete, Hey, welcome. I've heard just a very little Jacob Olausson, and like what I've heard a lot. I'll follow your link and learn more. Your blog is terrific, btw. I'm going to definitely keep one eye on it. I didn't know about the collection of Bruno Spoerri's work, so I'm grateful for that. And for the Art Circus intro too. That 'Be Your Own Pet' track has nothing to do with the band of the same name, I imagine? ** Laurabethnoble, The very best of luck on Amherst. You sound pretty confident. I've heard nothing but raves about the school. ** Porcelain skull, It was totally great to spend time with you. Thanks a ton for that. ** Adjoun, Yeah, Margaret Trait is great, but late at night? A challenge. Yury got out of entering the military in Russia, thank God, due to some health issues that luckily disqualified him. If he hadn't had those, he either would have been forced to serve, or, more likely, his parents would have had to go into debt to pay off some official to get him out, which is how almost everything works in Russia. ** David ehrenstein, Gerbils, oh. Nasty. I've never heard a peep of 'Anyone Can Whistle.' A hole in my listening, I would guess. I expected to see your reaction to Elton John's comments on Clay Aitkin's sexuality. Although maybe I can imagine what it is. ** Jheorgge, First, yes, duh, I want a Coil Day from you badly. Superb idea. And second, great about Black Metal Day. I'm both jonesing and patient. Well, it's a Swedish rock resurgence in the sense that the international cool rock powers that be feel like they've gotten what there is to get out of Canada and are searching the Swedish rock scene for the new and interesting right now because they were surprised last year by how good Dungen is and figure he can't be the only Swedish one. Which isn't a resurgence, or even really a surgence, more a training of the spotlight. ** Eddie b., The Laura Albert interview is pathetic, boring, and yet another load of lies and total bullshit. 'Comes clean?' Yeah, right. To be honest, I couldn't be less interested at this point. ** Atheist, Your invigoration is a real pleasure to see. Best of all luck on the 'ideas lab' prospect. Coolness. Oh gosh, and now I've read your post further down, and it seems the invigoration is already history. Hm. Collaboration advice? Well, what's done is done. Assuming you get the gig, bite the bullet and try to make the best of it. Who knows, it could work out wonderfully. If you don't get the gig, problem solved. Generalized collaboration advice: fight impulsive decisions when choosing collaborators. ** Jose, Who's on your 80s thrash mixtape? ** Math tinder, Heard but never saw Thistle. I agree that for the two or so years prior to Beachy's scam buster, JT was used as Thistle's siren and little else. Re. your linked image: Japanese erotica, you gotta love it. ** C., Howdy. Your new non-deletion policy is already paying dividends. ** Michael karo, Congrats, my friend. That is quite a beautiful picture. In fact, I think it was one the ones I voted for. Get completely plotzed at the opening and enjoy. Hey, take your new date dude to the opening, assuming today goes well. Let him see you in star mode. ** Lost child, You're such a total star. I like Virgin Prunes, but my favorite Gavin Friday moments are his guest vocals with The Fall. I think the combo of his voice and Mark Smith's is delirium making. DJ in Berlin? Of course. It's just the hows and whens that are the problem. ZG Magazine ... that sounds so familiar, but I can't get a mental image. I'll do a search. ** Xkoesj, I haven't heard 'Accident and Emergency' yet. Drinks on the beach with anyone named Liam (except that Gallagher fellow) next to the Opera House definitely sounds fun. Is it a real beach? ** 5stringaphasia, One vote for Slayer, check. Yury and I will try to be well if you'll try to be well. Well, you already are, aren't you? Okay, wellness coming up. ** Rigby101, So you're back in it? Was your out of it period interesting? That sounds facetious, but being out of it isn't always automatically a downer. Sorry, I'm a little dippy this morning, I don't know why. ** Jax, Hey, man. the American Writers Festival is this weekend. Pretty star packed: Jonathan Safran Foer, Pallahniuk, Margaret Atwood, blah blah. My plan is to hit at least Ed White's lecture, Gary Indiana's lecture, and Peter Sotos's lecture and conversation with Bruce Benderson. Maybe more. I'll try to take pix and report back. A favorite passage of my own work? I'll have to search my memory banks, if that's okay. Or you could choose a passage you like. Thanks, man. 'Jerk' is early on. We're picking the cast, I mean other than Jonathan Capdeville, who's play the puppeteer. I'm adapting it for radio, which is pretty easy. Not too much yet. ** Postitbreakup, Interesting questions. I have a lot of writing habits, but I rely heavily on editing my writing later, so I'll go back and chop the habit parts out when I'm not in spontaneous mode, if that makes sense. The thing about characters always staring or glaring. You know, that might be okay. It might be a moment you find important, and so going back to it a lot could result from that. Let's face it, we all do that a lot, and those are significant moments. Too much is too much though, of course. Again, waiting 'til you're not inspired and going over your prose in a more objective state might do the trick. You are wonderful with phrasing, you really are. You have a total gift for it. I guess my overall advice is what I've been saying. Don't worry about your tropes in the spilling phase, and trust yourself that you'll find solutions to any problems later. Or that's my method, and it seems to work okay. I did indeed laugh at your emotional abuse advice. Plus, it's really smart. You're killer talented. Hey, I hope you've thought about sending land of the bat something for the anthology he mentioned the other day. You should. And, lastly, loving Ben & Jerrys as I do, and rather bizarrely never having watched 'Gilmore Girls' despite friends' urging me to do that, I say your B&J/GG plan sounds like a good one, if you don't mind rewatching a lot of episodes you've never seen before. Oh, and, yeah, the cock monster is definitely there. What does it mean, apart from the fact that Scandinavians are hot, which they tend to be in my book? Take care, man. ** Okay, say your goodbyes to Mischa and crew, and I'll return in some form tomorrow.

Drabbning av de svenska musikbanden (i inget särskilt beställa)

Absolut Noise: Swedish rock blog (in English)
It's a Trap: Pitchfork-esque site concentrated on Swedish rock (in English)
Wikipedia: Music of Sweden

My original intention with this post was to hold a Battle of the Swedish Bands. (That's what the title means.) Swedish rock is in a bit of a renaissance right now, as you may know, so a battle among two handfuls of bands to win your love seemed like a natural. But, to check out all these bands' clips and then decide on your favorite takes the kind of time you readers probably don't have on hand or want to spend on this blog today. Still, if you're feeling adventurous or bored, take the tour and then vote for your favorite, thereby fulfilling my blog's idle daydream. If not, here are ten Swedish bands of various styles and shapes for you investigate or not in whatever fashion you like.
_________________________________


1. Ingenting

Clip: 'Slapp in solen'
Ingenting at Labrador Records

2. Dungen

Clip: 'Panda'
Dungen Official Website

3. The Knife

Clip: 'Like a Pen'
The Knife Official Website

4. 02FN


Clip: 'Sniffa lim'
OF2N Official Definition

5. LeCain

Clip: 'Suffocate Me'
LeCain Official Website

6. Jens Lekman

Clip: 'You are the Light'
Jens Lekman Official Website

7. LOK

Clip: 'Sug min'
LOK Fan Site

8. I'm from Barcelona

Clip: 'We're from Barcelona'
I'm from Barcelona Official Website

9. Soilwork

Clip: 'Nerve'
Soilwork myspace page

10. Kent

Clip: 'Karleken Vantar'
Kent Official Website

p.s. Joe mills, Hm, it does seem like your package would have arrived by now. Still, never underestimate the strangeness of the French postal service. I'll keep my fingers crossed. Do go to the doctor. You shouldn't be sick for this long, and we all long to see you here in your usual happy-but-no-compromises state. ** Michael karo, My fingers remained extremely crossed, ouch. ** Math tinder, Coke eyes, you can't miss them. ** 5stringaphasia, And you are one sexy artifact of life, my friend. Love you too. ** David c., It was an amazing time and place, NYC back then, full of the best kind of crazy creativity and the most devastating series of deaths, those being the days when one would be diagnosed with AIDS and usually die within days, weeks. It's hard to fathom, even having gone through it, and very difficult to think about a lot of the time. ** Eddie b, I emailed Akashic, and they're looking into what happened with your contract. I'll let you know. Lost child's new addition to Rallo is totally brilliant and exciting, wow. Amazing how beautifully that project is turning out. ** Lost child, Just an inspired and fantastic 'Rallo' addition. I am bowing to you so deeply at this moment. ** Jose, Cool, go Dodgers indeed. I haven't checked the standings this morning. Nomar Garciaparra is kicking ass right now. As is Greg Maddux. It's very sweet to see the greats be so great, even in their twilight days. ** Steve, It's not finished working, so it's hard to say. ** Ignacio, Good Lower Manhattan thoughts. And, yeah, Wet was cool. Not many people seem to remember it. I published a few things in there thanks to the support of its Editor (for a while), the poet and environmentalist Lewis MacAdams. I have the book that artist did about his necrophilia performance somewhere. I wonder what happened to him? ** Land of the bat, The anthology is a fucking great idea. I seriously encourage all wildly great under 30 gay blog posting writers to send in something. Do it. ** Atheist, I'm gay -- well, once in a while I'll see a girl/women that ... -- and I certainly don't find my own body a turn on. My attitide towards my body is basically, Fulfill my requirements, you motherfucker. ** Dynomoose, I lived in the East Village in the late 80s and very beginning of the 90s too. We must have passed each other on the street a bunch of times. Who were your pals? I bet we had some in common, no? ** Jack, Me either. ** Bradford, If I'm in Paris and not in LA -- and I think I'll be here -- I'll be at the gig one of the nights. Watch for me. I won't have to watch for you. ** Antonio, What a better world this would be if we are all a little more like 'Tony' from The Shining. Apt Sebadoh responses. You owe it to yourself to hear 'Sebadaoh III' too. And probably 'Smash Your Head on the Punk Rock.' Yeah, those. ** David ehrenstein, I recognize the Randy Newman song -- I absolutely fucking love Randy Newman -- but what was the other song. It ends familiarly. I must be going blind. I think your teeshirt says, 'So many Germans, so little time.' Can't be right, as true as that statement is. ** Matt, Hey, welcome. I'm glad you showed up. You're doing everything right so far. No rules here. Do whatever you want: ask questions, comment on my others' stuff, make jokes, propose a line of thought, rant, share enthusiasms, talk about yourself ... you get the picture. Don't feel shy. Everybody here is cool, smart, nice, and super friendly. ** Tigersare, Eileen Myles is indeed one of the coolest people on earth, and a great poet. Good luck getting the release releaseable. ** Susan, Good to see you. I assume this goes without saying, but I hope you know you can talk about your situation in this place whenever or if ever you like and that you'll be greeted with an amazing combination of high intelligence and true sympathy by the people here. Take good care. ** Wow, that was a quickish one. You guys rock, and for God's sake don't stop. See you.

Torn from the pages of Bookforum *

FROM THE MID-’70S TO THE EARLY ’90S, Manhattan’s Lower East Side was the place to be for aspiring artists. Writing, performance, visual arts, and experimental music and punk contributed to an electric creative scene before AIDS and gentrification took their toll. Up Is Up, But So Is Down: New York’s Downtown Literary Scene, 1974–1992, a compendium of writings and literary ephemera from the period, edited by Brandon Stosuy, appears in October from NYU Press. In an excerpt from the collection, Bookforum here presents a conversation between novelist Dennis Cooper and poet Eileen Myles about “downtown”— its denizens, sources, and demise.

DENNIS COOPER: When I first started going to New York in the mid- to late ’70s, there was still a lot of resonance from the Frank O’Hara era. Certainly there were John Ashbery and James Schuyler and the first-generation poets, but there were also people likeJoe LeSueur. I’d go to a party and there would be slightly older writers likeJoe Brainard and Kenward Elmslie and Ron Padgett, and then the established greats like Ashbery and Schuyler and Edwin Denby, and nonpoets, too, like Donald Barthelme and Alex Katz and Roy Lichtenstein, and just an incredibly multigenerational group of artists, gay and straight, who felt some kind of aesthetic and personal unity. I guess it was while I was living there that the whole New York School dream began to run out of gas.
EILEEN MYLES: To me, it seemed like the New York School sort of collapsed out of its own sense of fatality about itself. It seemed to me that it closed down on itself——somebody like Ashbery sort of rages on getting more famous, and Jimmy Schuyler has planted his influence everywhere. But we did OK. If we’re, you know, umpteenth-generation New York School poets, then our contribution was to leave it. Interestingly, the queers did [laughing].
DC: Your generation had a lot of lesbian and gay poets, but the group of writers who congregated around St. Mark’s Poetry Project was largely hetero. There wasn’t a sense of St. Mark’s being the center of the poetry scene the way it had been. I know that my New York poet friends felt like outsiders there. I knew the St. Mark’s poets like Gary Lenhart and Michael Scholnick and Bob Holman and others, but not well. And I liked their work, but it was going off in a direction I didn’t feel so connected to and which I rightly or wrongly associated with the kind of poetry and poetics coming out of the Naropa Institute. But I didn’t know them well. You did, right?
EM: Yeah, they were my best friends when I was younger. It was like we were all a bunch of guys with jean jackets passing records and books around to one another. Susie Timmons was there, too, and Maggie Dubris. Ann Rower was a member of the crew. It definitely was a fun scene around in the early to late ’70s. But for me, once I came out, I was a black sheep and just not part of it anymore. I was hitting on the same girls the guys were and it was gross.
DC: Correctly or not, I had an image of the New York poetry scene as being basically bisexual or sexually experimental.


(Photos: Novelist Edmund White and me fried on cocaine at a NYC party in the early 80s; St. Marks Poetry Project)

EM: Well, when AIDS occurred, it seemed that half the people in a given room had a tragedy in their lives. And I just feel like it really changed——well, it changed New York. Permanently, because I think that it was easier to be straight and not deal with AIDS. And there was no way you could do that and be gay.
DC: Yeah, my group of artist friends was decimated by AIDS. I mean, Tim Dlugos tested positive and then Donald Britton and the filmmaker Howard Brookner and the performance artist John Bernd, and it was just bam, bam, bam . . . one after another in really quick succession. We were almost all gay, and we got hit particularly hard. I found myself gravitating more and more to the performance-art scene in the East Village, where, for whatever reason, AIDS was a bit more of a distant concern at that time, and there was still a ton of fun and hope and vitality.
EM: Performance is exactly——when you think about poets moving on . . . you had to take the aesthetic into some other medium or . . . you were just going to hang out and watch it die with everybody else.
DC: Right, exactly. I ended up spending much more time at P.S. 122 and the Kitchen and Franklin Furnace than I did at the Poetry Project, you know? I saw the poets less and less, and my really close friends were performance artists and people associated with that scene, especially Ishmael Houston-Jones, with whom I started collaborating on performance-art pieces. It was really exciting to me as a writer to learn from them. But it was a strange thing to suddenly lose the world of writers. There were a couple of other writer-performers on the scene like Holly Hughes and Spalding Gray, but really very few.
EM: That dance/performance scene was really hot in the ’80s——everyone in Doc Martens: Jo Andres, Jennifer Monson, Yvonne Meier, John Bernd. Steve Buscemi came out of that scene. Until the real estate thing really hit, there was a lot of patronage. A band would be at a rich person’s party. There was food and hard liquor at book parties! But music was there all along . . .
DC: Well, some of the most genius punk artists like Richard Hell and Tom Verlaine and Patti Smith were poets, too. A lot of those musicians were interested in literature. I’d meet, say, Debbie Harry or David Byrne somewhere, and we’d have these long talks about literature.
EM: It seemed, though, that if you wanted to connect with the art world, the only way to do it was to write about the people. People’s careers moved so fast and were so big. Somebody like Francesco Clemente would be my age, and he’d already be collaborating with Allen Ginsberg. The scale was so different between writers and visual artists in New York.

(Photos: Eileen Myles, NYC, in the early 80s; P.S. 122)

DC: It’s true, and it remains true for the most part. I got to know a lot of New York artists through my friendships with Peter Schjeldahl and Raymond Foye, both of whom straddled the art and writing worlds. And while I did get to know people like David Salle and Clemente and Eric Fischl a little, it wasn’t a real back-and-forth or mutual-interest kind of thing. It was my involvement as a critic that created whatever interest they had in me. When the East Village art scene happened, it was a little friendlier. David Wojnarowicz was a bona fide crossover artist, and some other younger artists at that time like Barbara Kruger and Richard Prince and Nan Goldin were genuinely interested in literature.
EM: At that moment.
DC: Yeah, there was something happening between artists of different mediums at that time. There was a certain connection between the visual artists and writers. There were those really great magazines that worked the connection like Between C & Dand Redtape and Top Stories and Richard Hell’s Cuz. And then, of course, there was Foye’s Hanuman Press, which was such a great press. But even that didn’t feel as communal or cross- fertilizing as the music/writing scene in New York during the punk era you were talking about. That’s just the nature of the New York art world, I think. It’s geared toward the chic, and it’s pretty insular. I’ve always felt disappointed that the real downtown New York wasn’t exactly what I’d dreamed about, but that dream changed my whole life, and that’s what really matters. And it was an awesome and amazing scene even by the time I moved there, just kind of reconfigured from my mental image. And I really think that if AIDS hadn’t happened, downtown probably would have continued to be an amazingly fertile place that was continually evolving. I know that’s naive, because the gentrification of the East Village and Lower East Side and SoHo was probably the real culprit and killer. But for me, it’s impossible to think of that time in New York without the pall of the AIDS crisis, and about all my dead friends, and the incredible artists who died so fucking young. It was a hugely formative time for the artists of my generation who lived there, but it’s also like remembering a war that I was really lucky to survive.

* The current issue of Bookforum features an short excerpt from a long conversation between the poet/novelist Eileen Myles and myself about our respective experiences living in downtown New York during its cultural heyday. The conversation serves as the afterword of Brandon Stosuy's fantastic, newly published, very highly recommended book about that era and place. The excerpt isn't available online, but, through the wonders of pdf, I share that conversation bite with you today, for what it's worth.

p.s. I'm running late today, so please excuse any unworthy brevity that follows. ** Adjoun, Beautiful new Mischa drawing. I'm sure if he weren't so evil, he'd appreciate it. Don't spend those 30 E all in one place. ** Jax, Thanks for the Russian news link. Yeah, that kind of horrific abuse has been going on in the Russian military for a while. Yury was relieved to see it getting international coverage because he says people in Russia have been very angry about it for a while, but the response of Putin's government has been typical, i.e. Fuck you, basically. Not that Putin's bunch give a lot of thought to what people outside Russia think, but it might help. ** Mikel motorcycle, Yeah, having tiger's teeth and a cast iron stomach and, yes, and an Undo key and maybe a Reverse-time-so-this-never-actually-happened key would work wonders. ** David c, Oh, Mr. Skull, duh. I had a brain misfire. It was quite nice seeing Mr. Skull. We had a coffee, blabbed, saw a great retrospective of Lee Friedlander's photographs at the Jeu de Paume. Very pleasant, and now he's on his way back to Ireland. ** Mizu, You know full well we all have those my-writing-is-shit periods. I have them often. Forge through it, and you'll rejoin us in admiration land. Trust me. ** Ignacio, That Cindy Sherman collector's item is envy worthy, for sure. I envy you anyway. Katherine gives the new White a thumbs up? Okay. I still need to read his living in Paris book, whatever it's called. 'My Paris,' maybe? I bet his spent a lot more time in Le Marais than I do. ** Joe mills, There you are. I was wondering. Feel better. No packet of your books yet, but maybe today. ** Atheist, I'm glad the virtual hug hit its target. But I'm sorry you're in a downer. Like me, like joe mills ... I hope mine isn't infectious. Well, of course I want your mattie pal to join our group, if he likes. Of course. Tell him to make himself right at home. ** Statictick, Excellent to see you first hand. On the trailer, I'm cool, just let me know the whats whenever the time is right. The Tigers made the playoffs! ** David ehrenstein, Yeah, there's a little off and on resentment from Gary, which is weird to me since he actually does a lot better than I do, money and sales and etc.-wise. But these things aren't logical. Anyway, I'm hoping I'll get one his strangly little hugs. Johnnie Ray is one of those names I know but don't have a clear image/sound attached. Did he do that song 'The Little Cloud That Cried?' I used to always get him and Johnny Hallyday confused. Why, I don't know. Let me add my congrats to the bunch of congrats on doing the one-on-one with Mr. GV. Can't wait to hear your report. ** Eddie b., That is a little strange you haven't gotten a contract. Is there anybody else who hasn't gotten theirs? You're in the book. Akashic is about to do the galleys, and you're in. I'll write them today and tell them you're still without contract and find out what's up. Sorry about that. ** Tosh, That's why Morrissey wore the hearing aid? Interesting. Like I said above, Johnnie Ray is one of those hollow famous names I know without knowing what or why. Sparks is tonight! I'm so excited. The show starts at 6:30 pm. So civilized. I'll let you know. ** Jose, I'll get the Lyon dates sorted and pass them on. Obviously, it'd be great to see you. And Lyon's a little hop and skip from Paris. ** Davey houle, Well, you know I'm a real Gaitskill fan. But I still haven't gotten my hands and eyes on 'Veronica.' Thanks for reminding me. Larry-bob just turned 40. Trippy, no? ** Paul curran, Dio the Harry Potter of Metal. That's hilarious. Watch he doesn't see that and use it as a blurb. ** Gregoryedwin, I too am very curious to hear the Walkmen's redo of 'Pussycats.' What a crazy idea. And funny you mention those giant God eyes out there in the universe. I was just google image searching for something on the web yesterday and saw a bunch of pix of those 'eyes' with photoshopped-in (but, of course, not photoshopped-in' according to the Christian weirdos who had the images on their sites) benevolent human irises/pupils. Looneys. ** Jack, Well, that dream sounds awfully prophetic to me. I just have this feeling when I meet you, I'm going to go, 'Oh, it's you. I know you.' From my dreams or something. ** Perspects, I knew you'd feel it. ** Vomitingghosts, Thank you, sir. One more to go. ** Michael karo, Super intense profound wild giant overwhelming luck with the three photos. If you don't get it, it's a gyp. ** Killer luka, Alex and I were in fact talking about you. Very positively, I hope you know. A few Halloweens ago, I bought a fog machine. I just had to have it. Not that it hasn't subsequently done me no good. ** Sypha_69, No surprise probably that 'Liber Null & Psychonaut' was a big research source during the writing of Guide. Well, Peter Carroll in general really. ** Laurabethnoble, Where are you going to apply? I'll let you know as soon as your lovely package arrives. ** Lost child, Hi, man. Mischa sends his best. ** Imnotstopping, As a wee lad, I thought McCartney was pokeable, but not as pokeable as Davy Jones. I will say hi to Ed for you should I generate his warmth. ** 5stringaphasia, I've seen a ton of fake snuff. As have you, no thanks to me. But real snuff: I came across a bunch of screengrabs from a film that turned out a few years later to have been real Russian snuff film, but I didn't think they were real when I saw them. That's as close as I've gotten to seeing a snuff film. I'm assuming you're not talking about 'Faces of Death' and all kind of crap. ** Brooklynserpico, Yep, it's down to the wire. The Dodgers have the slim lead as of this morning. You're not a Mets fan? ** C., Your tropical post was very refreshing and in fact made me go drink some pineapple juice, which was also refreshing, but not as much as your post. ** Antonio, It's kind of sad. When I was Montpelier working on KTL, I got an email from Aerial Pink saying he and his band were stranded in Paris with no place to sleep and begging to crash at my place. But, with my internet impairment down there, I didn't get the email for two days. When I did, I wrote and said, Sure, but never heard back. So naturally I assumed he and his band had died of exposure or something. But I see he just played in LA, so ... phew. Oh, thanks for wishing just a high quality gift, especially that 'warmest most vacuous mouth.' Vacuous mouth is good. Put that in one of your poems. And put me in it too, of course. You should absolutely write poems. ** Math tinder, I liked reading you and your bud talk about sigils. ** Tigersare, You're too kind. ** Garrison, As are you! Kindness all over the place. ** Tender prey, Hi. ** Bernard welt, I second your recommendation to read Vidal's nonfiction. I'm not as up on his fiction output as others here, but his non- is really something. Thank you that, Bernard. ** Have as much fun as -- if not than -- me today. What a horribly constructed sentence. Bye.

Recipe for Disaster, A Murder Mystery: Episode 9 ('I'm sad I was so injured')

KGB Man: 'Tell me you just didn't just shoot our main suspect to death before he identified his henchmen.'
Field officer: 'Basically, yeah.'
KGB: 'And that his partner didn't jump out the window and escape.'
Field officer: 'Also basically, yeah. Uh ... shit happens?'

Pasha's voice: 'Oh, shit.'
Mischa: "Yeah, it sucks, right? I'm not dead, and I've been listening to every word you said. It's totally weird, no?'
Egor's voice: 'I sort of accidentally found out about your plan and trapped you.'
Mischa: 'Yeah, thanks bro, and Pasha, you should sort of get naked right now or else, okay?'

Pasha: 'God and/or Satan, you know I'm in the right, so one of you dudes fucking save me.'
Mischa's voice: 'Hm ... Oh, I know. I'll make a snuff movie starring you and our friends and these cool guys that Egor and I met out in the forest today.'
God's voice: 'Actually, Pasha, I'm sort of way into snuff, and Satan's a myth. Sorry.'


Gosha: 'Come on in, everybody. Meet the new boss.'
Timofel: 'Same as the old boss? Hey, Pasha, why are you standing there naked? Not that you're not yum.'
Gosha: 'Pasha fucked up. So the boss here, whom you may remember we ordered Pasha to kill, just ordered us to kill Pasha. It's complicated.'
God's voice: 'It's not as complicated as love.'

Mischa: 'So everybody rape Pasha, and then ... mm, slice his dick off, and then, uh, put my old Batman mask on him and cut his throat, but not, like, fatally. Is that possible?'
Gosha's voice: 'Anything's possible, boss.'
God's voice: 'I can help with that.'
Mischa: 'Just be really, like, cinematic about it.'








Dad: (yelling) 'Mischa, Egor, what is that terrible racket? I'm trying to get into an erotic zone in here. Keep it down.'
Egor's voice: "We're snuffing our friend Pasha. Loud noise is sort of part of the bargain.'
Dad: 'Oh, that's a different story. On second thought, crank it up.'
Blond boy: 'Christ, you take forever to come.'

Mischa: 'Brilliant work, guys. Pasha, I know you probably can't hear me, but your screaming ... wow. What's that really old Heavy Metal singer's name? Oh, right. Ronnie James Dio, eat your heart out. Okay, now stab Pasha about a hundred billion times until he's soup.'
God's voice: 'I have the biggest hard on right now.'








Mischa: 'Now that Pasha's borderline dead, I'm feeling weirdly uninspired.'
Gosha's voice: 'Well, back when I worked for Boris, we used to eat the dead.'
God's voice: 'Because it's you, Mischa, for the next hour I'll give you all tigers' teeth, if that helps.'
Mischa: 'You're awesome, God. When I die, you're so getting a freebie. Okay, everybody, eat'



Mischa: 'That was so much fun. Thank you, Egor, Zhenya, Gosha, ... all of you. I don't know what I did in my life deserve all this loyalty and great sex. And now I'm a film director too! I swear I won't let it go to my head. I'll be your best friend and easiest lay until every last one of you is dead. Cross my heart. Now, clean up this fucking mess.'


(to be continued)