10 boys who think experimental fiction is for pussies

p.s. Okay, I'd like to see you guys get 50+ comments out of this entry, ha ha. I'm in Milan. See you tomorrow.

Dinner with James Schuyler

If I were asked to list the greatest poets who ever lived, the American poet James Schuyler (1923 - 1991) would be in my top two or three. Certainly no poet has had a greater influence on my own poetry. Towards the end of Schuyler's life, my friend the poet David Trinidad and he became close friends, and one night in the late 80s when a handful of us younger writer who idolized Schuyler happened to be in New York at the same time, David organized a small dinner at a restaurant in the East Village so we could meet him. Schuyler was famously a very shy, reticent, troubled person, and I don't think he and I exchanged more than a nervous hello the whole evening, but it was among the most memorable nights of my life. At the end of the dinner, I took polaroid portraits of everyone at the table and asked them to sign the pictures. If you can't read the signatures, the people in the pictures below are: (1) Literary agent Ira Silverberg, James Schuyler, (2) Poets Eileen Myles, David Trinidad, (3) Novelist James McCourt, poet Tom Carey, (4) Writer (and my boyfriend at the time) Mark Ewert, novelist/poet/essayist Dodie Bellamy, (5) yours truly, novelist/poet/playwright/critic/bon vivant Kevin Killian.

Korean Mums

beside me in this garden
are huge and daisy-like
(why not? are not
oxeye daisies a chrysanthemum?),
shrubby and thick-stalked,
the leaves pointing up
the stems from which
the flowers burst in
sunbursts. I love
this garden in all its moods,
even under its winter coat
of salt hay, or now,
in October, more than
half gone over: here
a rose, there a clump
of aconite. This morning
one of the dogs killed
a barn owl. Bob saw
it happen, tried to
intervene. The airedale
snapped its neck and left
it lying. Now the bird
lies buried by an apple
tree. Last evening
from the table we saw
the owl, huge in the dusk,
circling the field
on owl-silent wings.
The first one ever seen
here: now it's gone,
a dream you just remember.

The dogs are barking. In
the studio music plays
and Bob and Darragh paint.
I sit scribbling in a little
notebook at a garden table,
too hot in a heavy shirt
in the mid-October sun
into which the Korean mums
all face. There is a
dull book with me,
an apple core, cigarettes,
an ashtray. Behind me
the rue I gave Bob
flourishes. Light on leaves,
so much to see, and
all I really see is that
owl, its bulk troubling
the twilight. I'll
soon forget it: what
is there I have not forgot?
Or one day will forget:
this garden, the breeze
in stillness, even
the words, Korean mums.

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James Schuyler, a brief introduction
A few more poems by James Schuyler
Audio: James Schuyler reads his poems

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p.s. A question for you: Do you ever get books signed by your favorite authors and/or buy signed books by favorite authors? If so, what's your most prized signed book? Mine would be a tie between my signed copy of Robbe-Grillet's 'Recollections of the Golden Triangle,' my copy of 'The Tennis Court Oath' signed by John Ashbery, and my signed copy of Jackie Chan's autobiography. (I waited in line for three hours for that one.)

p.p.s. Hey. I'm off to Milan this morning in order to do this. So today's p.s. (well, p.p.s.) is a truncated affair, as I don't have time to interract with you guys. I've said some heys, etc. below to the people who posted before I went to bed last night, and I'll catch up with the rest of you when I'm back in Paris and good to go again, meaning at the regular time on Wednesday. I've preprogrammed a little post for tomorrow that Yury will launch for me. Have good ones, everybody. ** Jax, Loach fan? I've seen, gosh, maybe two or three of his films and admired them, but I don't have sufficient grasp on his directorial thing to call my interest true fandom. ** Tosh, It's true, the lyrics on 'The Drift' are really, really something, no? ** Adjoun, Based on the pic, The Hunter seems to be the right man for the right job. Yeah, he has a capital 'D' Dutchness, though I can't put my finger on why. I may have said this before, but when I lived in Amsterdam, I had a totally uncharacteristic sports crush on or fetish about this not-that-great but very cute Ajax player named Jonny Bosman. So I know where you're coming from. Those 'Silence' photographs on your blog are incredible. What's their story? And you quoted The New Pornographers! You are now forever my friend. ** Xkoesj, Yes, yes, happy belated birthday! It must be very scary, such a big move in so short a time. Before I came over here last July, I was a mess. Dude, it's going to be so awesome for you, though, you adventurer ** Cautivos, Interesting 'best' list. Interesting to see 'Sergeant Pepper' down so far. Nice to see newer and odder stuff eclipsing it. But I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling so shit, though obviously I'm glad suicide's not something you're entertaining. Having had my life completely devastated by the suicides of people close to me -- George Miles, of course, but others too like my uncle -- I've come to believe that option is too sadistic, too cruel to the people in your life, to be considered. Anyway, clearly, I hope this bad state passes for you. ** Nicehex, Hey, thanks for entering. I agree with you that Walker's JP/WTC comparison is inspired and genius He's really working on a high level, right? It's very intimidating in the best possible way. Hope something here brings you back. ** David ehrenstein, Florence Delay, yes. I forget her position exactly, but she's an important figure in the Ministry of Culture. Viggo Mortensen has long been the angel of Beyond Baroque, as it were. Supportive with his time and money and ideas. Great guy, truly. ** Joe mills, My favorite psychedelic films ... that's a good list idea. I'm writing this at night and my brain ain't up to it. Oh, my gloomy accusation was just my poor black humor at work. No big. I have daydreams of someday putting this blog on CD-rom/DVD/whatever with all comments and everything exactly as is (except for the links, I guess, which is sad) for posterity or whatever. Who knows, it might end up being the best thing I've (by which I mean we've, all of us, since we are melded into one author) ever done. How about all 100 plus and counting of us up there crammed on the stage in Sweden getting our Nobel Prize, huh? The first Nobel Prize given out in the blog division. Oh, I don't know. You couldn't pay Yury enough money to sit through a single song by Joy Division/Leonard Cohen/Nico, though, actually, he did sit still through a few songs off Nico's pretty first album, long enough to decide it was too depressing. He's more of a 'Joy Division is that boring band who turned into New Order' kind of guy, God love him. ** Nikolas, You're back! Oh, yeah. ** Eddie beverage, I think of my prolonged Paul Oakenfold exposure as a learning experience. Besides, it gives Yury pleasure, and, loving him, I'm interested in that pleasure and where it comes from. Anyway, Oakenfold's not my thing, but it's no worse than a lot of hyped mediocre rock out there really. So I don't see it as the enemy. All that said, yes, Russians do love their trance. In Moscow, it blasts from every storefront, taxi, bar, coffee house, and on and on. ** Mark, I'd forgotten about that artistic goals post. Revisiting it for an update is an excellent idea. I'll slot in in. Thanks. ** Ethan, Videodrome, so good. I think I'm a little burnt out on Cronenberg's mutant anuses and squishy, slimy orifice creatures. They feel a little tropey to me now, but tropes are in the eye of the beholder as I well know. And you're so right about his brass balls in doing 'Naked Lunch.' I think the props he gets for them outweigh my kvetch about the film big time. ** Garrison, I don't know, man, re. 'Southland Tales.' We'll see. To use a very dated reference point, to me it has a kind of Dennis Hopper's 'Last Movie' smell about it. ** C., The post-its on porn stars' faces thing is a really nice image. Although ... don't you have to get up and change their position on the screen everytime the camera angle switches? Naked me? Gosh, that's not sick, that's very flattering. I just blushed for you. ** Diarmuid, Not rude at all. No way. I'm the rude one for taking so long to answer your questions. But it's on my immediately to do list for when I get back from my little trip. Thanks for stopping in. Hope you are well too. ** Allright, I apologize to the 35th and upwards commenters who posted after I hit the sack Monday night. I'll catch up with you on Wednesday. Take care of yourselves.

Scott Walker's 'The Drift': Discuss

I was going to do a proper Scott Walker Day. I started seeking out the requisite fan pages, pix, interviews, downloadable videos, and so on. But then I decided, Let's make this pure. You hardcore Walker fans who are destined to dominate the theme-related commenting today have already prowled the web in search of all the aforementioned. Those of you who see this post and read the waxings will either open a new browser and type Scott Walker into google, youtube, etc., or you won't. So let's go at this sans distractions and fireworks, shall we? (With one exception: here's the SW interview by our own tigersare, if you haven't read it. And any links that you guys want to toss into the mix are obviously more than welcome.) Me, loser me, I just got 'The Drift' yesterday. I've listened to it exactly once. On first listen, it's insanely great. It's surely record of the year. Every artist making pop-like music should listen to this album and then search their souls until they're ready to try as hard and go as deep as Walker does on this record. I'm going to spend today listening to it over and over -- with headphones, since Paul Oakenfold- and Buddha Bar compilation CD- loving Yury thinks it sounds 'interesting but too depressing.' And I'll be checking in to see your snowballing opinions. And to read the non-Walker oriented wordage too since, as ever, regardless of the day's theme, this place is always up for discussions and flights of fancy on any topic that you guys want to get into. Right, then. Off you go.

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p.s. Thanks to some of you for spending a bit of your Sunday in these parts. ** Mike, adjoun, I'm pretty sure that pic you guys like is from the movie 'Airport,' albeit enriched by photoshop. And mike, have I told you before how much I like those short fiction pieces on your blogger blog? They're really terrific. ** Michael u, You're new here, right? Hey. Nice characterisation of 'Zabriskie Point.' Yeah, my diaster movie angle turned out to be a workable fantasy but the convincing argument part just wouldn't come. That 'orchid' piece on your blog is beautiful. So you're a writer then? ** Adjoun, That's the guy. I told them, It's the Hunter or nothing. Non-negotiable. ** Mark, Long time no see. Welcome back. Cool, re. Portland. Seattle seems a safe bet. Vancouver, I don't know. I don't think there are any contributors from there, though someone correct me if I'm wrong. ** James, I would absolutely and completely love to do a DFW Day. So yes, yes, please, if you don't mind. Excellent idea. I too think Bookforum is very good. Certainly in the US, it's far and away the best review/essay/critique periodical, hands down. Fence is quite good, yeah, one of the better US lit. mags and indie publishers. One very good thing about Fence is that poetry and fiction really share the space there, as opposed to being the usual -- a fiction mag with some poems here and there. They're also dedicated to the experimental, which definitely separates from other well known lit. mags that tend to treat experimental fiction and poetry the way doormen at hip clubs treat club kids. You know, the experimental is fine as long as it's dressed like everything else. So, yeah, send along your DFW stuff whenever, and we'll do it. ** David ehrenstein, James Grauerholz and I are enemies in remission, so don't ask me. I only knew Jack Larson very little a long time ago. A kind of ex-friend and distant relative of mine is the actress Brooke Alderson, who was in two Bridges films, 'Mike's Murder' and that cowboy Travolta one whose name escapes me. So I mostly knew him through Brooke. There was this one very cool night when I was running the readings at Beyond Baroque where Jack Larson showed up for an event with Bridges, John Travolta, Christopher Isherwood, Debra Winger, and some other now-forgotten celebs. A very starry sight for a poetry reading. I don't know if I mentioned this before, but a life highlight for me was a party my French publisher held in my honor wherein he incredibly kindly invited said Guillaume ('Four Nights of a Dreamer') so I could meet him, and I spent the whole evening talking to him about his experiences with Bresson. He's the nicest guy you can imagine, an astro physicist in 'real life.' He stayed good friends with Bresson until the end. That night I also got to meet the woman who starred in Bresson's 'Proces de Jeanne d'Arc.' She doesn't speak English, but she introduced herself to me this way: 'So Jeanne d'Arc' finally meets the Devil.' What an unbelievable night for me. Sigh. Anyway ... On the depression leads to smoking thing, hm. I don't know if it makes a difference, but I didn't start or even want to start smoking until I was in my late thirties. ** Tender prey, Very cool you're in the next 'Frozen Tears.' Yeah, in fact John Russell asked to print something from this blog in the new issue -- one of the 'Great Moments in Gay Porn' entries, I think. So we'll be neighbors. ** Christopher michael stamm, Lauren sounds pretty amazing. Gosh, I'm thrilled and humbled to have had any minuscule part in your true love. It'll be really good to meet you guys whenever the Portland gig happens, if not before. How about a Paris honeymoon? ** Antonio, It probably does taste like ribs. How depressing. Okay, I'll take the hit off Donna Summer, but you owe me. Good question about Oliver Stone. I never thought he was the genius he assumes he is, but his work has become quite the sink hole. And good god, your fundamentalism- transfiguring into Tony Perkins-inspired rant was fantastically brilliant. Oh, and 'MacArthur Park' play. Yeah, I'll get right on that. ** Garrison, I hope you're right, but the clips I saw were jaw dropping. Sarah Michele Gellar as an intellectual in brainy dark glasses talking to The Rock about God. The Rock: (roughly) 'God will save us from ourselves, etc.' SMG: (crumped forehead) 'The New York Times says God is dead.' Etc. I'm sorry, but yikes. ** Katsim, Good, horrifying question about the failure of the penis preparing and eating. Time for a google search. I hope when you finish your US fundamentalism tome, there'll be a way to read it. I'd sure like to understand that better, and knowing you the little I do, I know you'll have a fascinating take. ** Sweetpiss, Thank you. If it all happens to spin your thoughts, do pass them on. ** Michael karo, Really? Kevin Smith is on my mental worst film director who ever lived list, but brighter minds than mine do disgree. I think Donnie Darko is worth seeing, but try to see the original release, non-director's cut version. ** C., Big thanks for the links. Nice to see the new postage stamp in your posts. I vaguely remember that toilet living/ass eating monster movie. In fact, it might have changed my imagination forever, now that I think about it. And thanks too for trying to get the post count up. I think Jared Leto's stare can be explained via the fact that his eyes are too close together. The camera is his friend. ** Joe mills, 'Awful 60s psychedelic films?!?' Hm. Oh, never mind. Apples and oranges. Anyway, your back-and-forth with DE was so entertaining and informational that I forgive you for that and for your doomy thoughts about my blog's lifespan. Punk band name ... hm ... How about 'Dead Kid's Butt.' Actually, maybe I'll save that for my next novel. Lastly, speaking of 'God hates fags' placards, here's one reason why Yury and I are doing what it takes to keep him from having to go back to Moscow. ** Lost child, I bet Keats never woke up as pleasingly as you did yesterday. Thanks for sharing. No, I never had visions, I don't think, unless LSD hallucinations count, in which case, yes. A couple of inexplicable paranormal-ish occurences is pretty much it. But Yury has things like that, eerie and otherwise unexplainable foresightful mental images. ** Steve, Hey. Boy, I could really use a Rivette retrospective right now (with English subititles). ** Adjoun, You might be interested to know (if you don't already) that a new, far more thorough Ronald Firbank biography is coming out, next year I think. It's by this guy Richard Canning, best known for editing two books of interviews with gay novelists: 'Gay Fiction Speaks' and 'Hear Us Out' (both Columbia University Press.) He's been working on it for about ten years, and it should be great. ** Jax, Well, you're right, disaster movie love is hard for me to pinpoint. I just find them very relaxing and inherently interesting. It's the same thing I feel for paranormal reality TV shows and horror movies. Any will do, and critical faculties be damned. The original 'Poseiden Adventure' has left my memory banks too, apart from the hammy stuff like Shelley Winters' fatal underwater swim and Red Buttons' patented kvetching. You know what movie Red Buttons is great in: 'They Shoot Horses, Don't They.' That's a really sharp, hugely bleak film, in my memory at least. ** Cautivos, 'Vurt' would be a great movie, you're so right. Why, I wonder, hasn't that movie been made. I'll be curious what you think of Cronenberg's 'Naked Lunch.' I thought it was horrible, but many smart people disagree with me. I never saw Palindromes. I really have to see that. Thanks, man. ** Hedi, 'Dial History?' No, never heard of it. You recommend? ** Bett, Oh, the Hollywood Forever Cemetary movies. I really miss those. You know it's summer when they start again. Sigh. ** Vomitingghosts, Sunn0))) in the New York Times Magazine? Wow, that's cool, but at the same time, uh-oh. ** That's the story, right? Okay, let Scott Walker be the wind beneath your wings, and I'll see you shortly.

Disaster!: Trajectory of a failed post

The other day I had this idea to do a blog post around the theme of disaster. I can't remember the original mental trigger for that. It might have been the good buzz I keep hearing about Al Gore's documentary film on global warming. But my online search for things to talk about and link towards led me to a whole bunch of ideas, subjects, and places that were a bit too unpoetic and overly familiar. So the theme started to die. Still, I did find this page on a site called airdisaster.com where you can watch some very spooky videos of planes falling out of the air, crashing, etc., if you want.

Before the disaster theme was completely dead, antonio commented here about having seen the movie 'Poseidon,' and my envy brought home what a lifelong fan I am of disaster films. So I thought I could save the theme by diverting it into a top 10 list of them. The problem was, in doing research and compiling the list, I realized that most of my faves were really just two-plus hours of tolerable cinematic blah framing one or two great actual scenes of the world ending in one manner or another. It started to seem like too geeky an idea to build anything around.

One of the films on my list that didn't seem like such a dumb choice was Michelangelo Antonioni's serious psychedelic film 'Zabriskie Point' (1970.) So I thought maybe I'd do a blog day where I would argue that 'ZP' could qualify as a disaster movie if one interpreted a bad LSD trip as the psychic equivalent of an earthquake or burning skyscraper or sinking cruise ship. I wondered if anyone had already made this argument, so I did a search on the film and the ways it has been contextualized over the years, and, sure enough, it seemed like I'd be the first.

But I got distracted by a site I found in my research called The Movies' Greatest Freak-Out Scenes where some guy writes rather interestingly about the larger meaning of 'the freak out' in certain films of the 60s and 70s: 'ZP,' 'Solaris,' '2001,' 'Willie Wonka,' and others. I wondered if the freak out wasn't a more interesting theme for a blog post, or maybe some sort of fun argument tying together the disaster and freaking out. You know, what kind of freak out would qualify as a disaster? How many people would someone's freak out have to effect? Did Bin Laden 'freak out,' and did that 'freak' Bush 'out' so much he 'freaked out,' etc.?

Being me, I started to think about porn. Some of the porn pix and videos I find most fruitful involve the performers either freaking out or, more realistically, simulating such a thing in hopes of causing an edgy erotic thrill. Maybe, I thought, this theme would give me an intellectual excuse to post some stuff from my archive of fake rape/torture/snuff porn that hasn't quite fit into my cannibal scrapbook. So I gathered together my links and photos and started to construct the argument that would both justify posting said material and bring something curious and brainy to the table, as it were.

But then I thought about Levi. That's him. I don't know him. I just found his picture online. I thought, Okay, what if Levi reads my blog. What would he think if I did a whole day full of those kinds of videos and pictures? Assuming he reads my books, he would probably either get whatever point I was going to make or enjoy the gross out aspect at least. But I thought, What if it freaked him out? Then I thought, Wait, the Levi I'm worrying about doesn't even exist, I'm just freaking out. So I decided, this whole post idea is a total disaster, which brings me back to square one. Welcome to Disaster Day.


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p.s. Hey. So taking Sunday off last week was a good thing, a replenisher, so for the time being, I'm going to make Sunday this blog's day off, although you guys are more than capable of carrying on sans me, so plow ahead if you like, and I'll see you back here on Monday. ** Jax, I have a few friends who swear by healers and claim to be the recipients of inexplicable improvements and cures, and they're not nuts or anything, so who knows? Mind power, I'd guess, but there's all sorts of shit in this world that's too big for our brains, so why not? It's when people think they're know-it-alls and give the inexplicable names and rules a la religions that's the bizarre part, not the logic defying occurences themselves. Or that's my rather unoriginal opinion. ** Tosh, I haven't bought an Elvis Costello album in quite a while, but I kind of admire from afar his adventurousness, trying out different genres and forms, collaborating and so on. I guess I don't see too many people from his generation still trying to do something new and different, so he gets props from me for that. Most of his peers are on the retro, nostalgia-baiting track these days, so it could be a lot worse. Yeah, Discuss Scott Walker's 'The Drift' Day. Okay, I'll designate it for Monday. Everyone hold off on your Scott Walkerisms for just another day, okay? ** Sypha_69, My advice is to not try to be the ultimate judge of how well you've done. I'm an insane perfectionist too, but I've found interestingly that once a novel or whatever is published, it'll be sentences of sections or ideas that I felt I'd not done my best at that excites people the most. When you're a perfectionist, sometimes your mistakes or inabilities end up being where the work's life is in a strange way. So I would think about taking the leap and publishing some of that work you've written just to see what happens. Let it have the chance to live because its value isn't possible to gauge until it's public. ** David c., More God tete a tetes, huh? Well, I'm tempted to join in, but you guys are taking the cake, so I'll sit here and rub my chin appreciately. ** Cautivos, Yeah, I can totally relate to that, as I'm sure many here can. What do you think is the solution? There's always something out there or in you that can reorder things. Have you thought about moving to a bigger city, or is that not possible? Maybe you just need to be around smarter, more talented, challenging and original people like yourself? It sucks that those people are so often much easier to find online than in your neighborhood. ** Lost child, You're chewing the fat with God too. Tell him or her to throw some fascinating, non-disappointing people cautivos's way. Oh, and a US tourist visa for Yury. Thanks. Oh, and I had this delirious moment of godlike foresight where I saw you and antonio and c., having collaborated on a novel, sitting pretty on distant future critics polls of the greatest 21st century fiction books. It has to mean something. Oh, and last but not least, thanks very much for Arthur Cravan bio. Really fascinating stuff. I've never read him -- hint hint to Tosh. In fact, I mostly thought of him as the spouse of Mina Loy. ** Xkoesj, It's raining here too, bleah. We're probably sharing the same black clouds. Hey back to Glen. Does he have a classic Australian accent? I love Australian accents. ** David ehrenstein, Klossowski's amazing in 'Au Hazard Bathazar.' I'd love to hear more about how that Bresson-Klossowski hook up happened. Next time you talk to Jack Larson, if you remember, give him a warm hello from me. What a great guy. ** Maximum etc., You don't have to convince me about a Portland 'Userlands' event. I'm there. I wonder who's the area. I know one contributor, mark, is in nearly Seattle. But yeah, Powell's, the Amoeba Records of bookstores. ** Christopher michael stamm, You're getting married? Congrats, man! Who's the lucky lady? You should get married on my blog a la Tiny Tim on the Tonight Show. I don't know that could happen. Maybe by your wedding date Blogger will have live video feed capabilities. On the literary journal front, that is a hard one. Soft Targets isn't bad. I haven't seen Black Clock, and it does seem to publish a lot of usual suspects, but Erickson's a smart guy, as you know. What's that magazine ... oh, shit, I was in it, but the name is escaping me ... '(Something) Tears.' Shit. It comes out of the UK. The cover of the last issue made it look sort of like a Scientology book. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? That one's pretty adventurous. ** Antonio, Yes, California lives up to its quirky psycho housing reputation, it's true. I saw 10.5, if it's the same movie, which it would have to be, I think. Totally worth it for the California breaking apart and becoming an island scene. Another stolid Beau Bridges performance. So you see you inspired today's post. That's two and counting. I'll keep doing the blog if you don't go into blog addiction rehab, okay? Super secret projects? That's a self-defeating question, isn't it? Yes, sure, probably, I don't know. Richard Harris's vocals on 'MP' are up there with Gram Parsons. Donna Summer should be shot. ** Jeffrey, I'm Mr. Rules and Systems, yes. Well, I've blabbed a bit about my techniques and so on here in the past, and I will again, thank you. I'm actually slowly preparing a post thing about the building of Period. ** 2hb, I'm going to hold you to that. ** Adjoun, Sssshhhhh. Don't spoil the surprise. Except I heard it's being translated by some guy on the Ajax football team. ** Paul curran, Yeah, the best and worst list would be different if I did it today, I'm sure. ** Katsim, Christian fundamentalism must seem so, so bizarre from where you are. Years ago on one of my London trips, there seemed to be something of a cult of Brits getting into that shit. There were posters all over the place for one of the US evangelist's upcoming appearance, and the BBC was talking about the rise of interest in that shit in the UK. Did that ever come to anything, or was it just a blip? ** C., Your description of being with the family should be grafted into the dictionary, it's so true, at least in my case. If it tasted like bread, I'd be a cannibal too. Who's to say it doesn't taste like bread? Chicken schmicken. Well, only one way to find out. ** Joe mills, Watching Blair and Bush squirm on the news was kind of nice. Man, have those fuckers aged in the last year or what? ** So enjoy my day off, everyone, and see you on Monday.

Wee me #2

This is my youngest brother Courtney and me in the early 80s. Courtney's an interesting character. He tried out/joined innumerable religions and cults while growing up before settling on a relatively benevolent Indian guru named Ma. He changed his name to Annipurna, moved to the guru's ashram in India, and has gradually become her right hand man. He also works independently as a healer. He recently paid $16,000 for a machine that he says was given to humans by an alien named something like Zoltar. Courtney uses it to heal his clients, although he claims it can do just about anything -- simulate the high of any drug, cause visions of the Virgin Mary, etc. Wacky guy, but a sweetheart.

A blog reader named Terry asked if I would post my ten favorite and least favorite works of mine and say why I like or dislike them so much. So, off the top of my head and in no particular order ... FAVORITES: 1) ‘The Childish Scrawl,’ a chapter in God Jr. -- In terms of the prose alone, this is probably the best thing I’ve ever written. 2) ‘My Mark,’ a chapter in Safe -- When I wrote this, my work made a huge leap forward. It’s also my most personal, emotional piece of fiction. 3) Dagger’s notations in Period -- They’re the key, engine, secret, brain, and heart of the novel. They make it work. 4) ‘George: Wednesday, Thursday, Friday,’ a chapter in Closer -- Writing this made me confident that I could write about violence in the exact way I wanted to. 5) The section in Try where Ziggy interviews Robin and Uncle Ken for his zine -- Usually, I don’t expect conventional narrative to help me do what I want to do, but, in this scene, I think it really works. 6) ‘Wild,’ a chapter in Frisk -- I think my writing took another upwards step here. I’m proud of the character Henry. His three-way with Julian and Dennis accomplishes a lot of scouting work within the novel. 7) ‘The Faint,’ a poem in The Weaklings -- I just think this might be my best poem. 8) ‘Blur,’ a chapter in Guide -- In Guide, many, many different strains and structural principles and rhyming images and devices and so on have to mesh and become insane in this section, and I can’t believe I made it work. 9) ‘Philippe: Make Believe,’ a chapter in Closer -- I think I should write more often in the style of this chapter. I just realized that recently. 10) The last third or so of ‘My Loose Thread’ – I think the novel really nails itself down there, and its speed and intensity and sparseness makes it unlike anything else I’ve written.

Time capsule photo of me from the mid-70s taken by my pal the poet Amy Gerstler on the day I decided to cut my hair short on behalf of punk. So in the picture, I'm supposed to represent the past whereas the magazine represents the future. I'd just quit university after one year and started my punk literary magazine Little Caesar. Fyi, that's the parking lot of the Federal Building on Wilshire behind me for you LA buffs.

LEAST FAVORITES: 1) ‘Dinner,’ a story in Wrong -- Really early piece, clunky, and I didn’t know enough about fist-fucking at that point to pull this off. 2) The scene with Cricket, Ziggy, and Roger in Try -- One of the rules of ‘Try’ is that something has to be happening every second during three consecutive days, and I think in this scene, the strain of accomplishing that shows a little. 3) ‘Cycle,’ a chapter in Period -- The machinery that makes ‘Period’ work is so complicated and impossible, and this is the section where the puzzle pieces don’t quite interlock perfectly. There’s no way around that, and I did my best to make its failure self-evident here, but the way it’s a little dysfunctional bothers me nonetheless. 4) 'Cliff: The Outsiders,' a chapter in Closer -- This chapter is sort of the ambassador of the novel, opening doors and healing rifts between the other chapters. Thus it's a little wussier and softer than I'd like. 5) ‘Sunshine Superman,’ a chapter in Guide -- According to my rules, this chapter has to be a little wordy in order to complete the interface between the ‘fictional’ and ‘non-fictional’ voices, but wordiness bothers me even if it has to be there. 6) Everything in the novella Safe except for the chapter ‘My Mark’ -- I was trying to write a novella whose clotted, overly aestheticized prose was self-indicting, but I don’t think I quite had the chops to pull it off. 7) ‘Antoine Monnier’ -- My first published fiction, an attempt to write porn in the style of Robert Bresson. I was in way over my head trying to do that when I was still such an amateur. 8) ‘Wilder,’ a chapter in Frisk -- I like most of this chapter, but I never was able to do the revelation of the novel justice, and I still don’t know how I could have done it better, but that doesn’t mean I don’t wish it worked seamlessly. 9) ‘Some Adventures of John Kennedy Jr.’ in The Dream Police -- Early on, these were the works of mine that everyone seemed to like the best, but they’re really awkward and sentimental in retrospect. 10) ‘He Cried,’ a story in Wrong – Another early fiction piece. Just kind of a self-consciously arty piffle.

A terrible picture of me in 1985 when I first moved to Amsterdam. The guy with me is a friend of my boyfriend Richard's. I was going for a really normal look and attitude that day because I was meeting Richard's parents for the first time. That day -- and from that day forward -- they always treated me with the politeness and tolerance that the Dutch are rightly or wrongly famous for, but when Richard and I finally broke up and they bid me farewell, you could have stopped the evil Terminator in 'Terminator 2' with the relief and joy in their eyes.


p.s. So there seems to be sufficient interest in the Detroit event to go forward, but it's statictick's call. It sounds cool to me. As far as when the event might happen, well, after the book comes out, which would probably mean in December or January as things stand now. Oh boy, Detroit in the dead of winter, huh? But so it goes. Someone asked if there'll be 'Userlands' events in other cities? Definitely. It's just a matter of picking relatively big cities where there are at least two or three contributers in the area who are willing to read at what would most likely a bookstore reading/signing event. That would include non-US cities too. But we'll figure all that out later on once the editing is finished, and I find out where exactly the contributers live, since right now I'm not completely sure in a lot of cases. ** Tosh, Thanks for the tip on Bellos biography of Tati. I didn't know about it, but Bellos's Perec ties makes it a very exciting prospect. As far as my LA dates, I should have them in the next couple of days, and then we can make a plan. Can't wait. ** Imnotstopping, What a beautiful Forster quote, and, yes, perfect when applied to Tati. Thank you. ** Chilly jay chill, I'm not as fond as Tosh of 'Traffic,' although it's certainly quite good. As I understand it. Tati was kind of forced to make that film after the disaster of 'Playtime,' which was a money losing flop on release, as hard as that is to believe now. It just feels a little rote to me. I haven't seen 'Parade.' It's difficult to see, and opinions are all over the place about it. ** Ronnie, Maybe we can start a petition. ** Paul curran, Maybe we could kill two birds with one stone and Sparks could write 'Dennis: The Musical.' They don't go really dark very often, but when they have -- 'White Women,' 'Nothing to Do,' etc. -- they prove they might be just the guys for such a project. But seriously, funny idea, thanks. ** Xkoesj, 'Danny Phantom?' What's that? I'll write you pronto. ** David c., Thanks much for the Ascension Day fill in. I really had no clue. We still haven't seen Da Vinci Code. We tried to go last night, but it was sold out even here in sophisticated Paris. Hopefully tonight or in the next couple of days then. And I'll give you and whoever else my thoughts. ** Adjoun, Don't lift so many weights you get 'pumped up,' for God's sake. ** Jax, No, never heard of savate, hm. We'll surely do a/several Userlands event(s) in the UK, what with so many contributers there. Start thinking of cool venues. ** Michael karo, c., antonio, I think this blog has now officially reached some new higher level of something or other with the appearance of your God conversations. Keep posting stuff that amazing and I'll to have to find a way to flip the blog over so the comments are on the front page and my daily arty diddlings are in the secret compartment. Very, very nice. ** David ehrtenstein, It means a lot to me that you thought the Tati Day was good. I've read your wonderful Tati essays, as I hope this lot will get a chance to. ** Jack, I do have a pretty good memory, but that might be too brief a memory to have gotten stuck. Hm, okay. That's the only time? Must be the recognition of one kindred soul for another then. ** Antonio, You just (inadvertantly in this case) gave me another idea for a blog day. Awesome. What a wealth you are. Hey, how come you didn't send in a self-portrait? Are we never gonna get to see beneath those suave yet nerdy dark glasses? ** Katsim, Religious Studies graduate. That's very interesting. How or why did you come to that field? Maybe that's asking too much. If so, ignore. Being so unreligious for all my life, such things are always intriguing and exotic to me, as stupid as that sounds. ** Perspects, Sparks' involvement in 'Rollercoaster' is so minimal as to barely qualify. If memory serves, their only brief appearance in the film is a recurring shot of them playing (miming actually) 'Fill Er Up' on a little stage in the amusement park. 'Big Boy' is, I think, the movie's theme song. But that's it, unless someone has seen it more recently than I have and can correct my impression. On the 'My Mark' thing, it's probably okay. I wouldn't mind a listen first to check how I chose to read it that day. ** Danny, Psychosexual is 'Userlands'' middle name. Well, last name anyway. ** Stemcellitch, Yep, I might actually finally make it to Detroit, amazingly enough. ** Bett, Road trip picking up the 'Userlands' gals and guys along the way, great idea. Maybe I'll come with you and we can rent an RV. Or maybe not on the RV front. Or maybe so. Hm. ** Josh feola, Oh, shit, yeah. My spaciness yet again. Thanks for the poke. Okay, okay, so sorry. ** Mikel motorcycle, James Spader might be too snarky and snooty. I'm kind of a friendly but reticent goofball type, I think? Kiefer Sutherland might work. A little stern, maybe. Antonio monologue, absolutely. That can be whole damn musical right there. ** Postitbreakup, On second thought, maybe you should write Dennis: The Musical. I'm liking your ideas. ** Cautivos, I think I can speak for most people here when I say do tell us more about whatever changes and disappointments in your life. I think we can all relate to that. ** C., Nosy? No, no, no. Just my strange brain at work. ** Joe mills, Really kind of you, the stuff about my blog. As far as Bush, well, last time I checked, 72 % or so of the American voting public has decided they hate the fucker now. Nice timing, guys. So is Blair basically going to be out of there soon? That's the impression I'm getting. And does that mean the Tories will be in power again? If so, it sounds like a no-win situation, yes? ** Steve, The BFI asked me years ago to do a book, and I can't remember why it never happened. My problem is that I'm a slow meticulous writer -- when I'm not writing on the blog, obviously -- and assignments like that turn out to be huge tasks for me, so such offers cause mixed feelings. ** Tigersare, The record player I have access to is at my pal Gisele's place across Paris. Let me take the vinyl over there next time, have a proper re-listen, and I'll pass on my proper respects. Yeah, dude, when your spare time and Michael Brown coalesce, awesome. ** Lost child, Those Robert Longo drawings were so exciting back when he first did them, yeah. Now I think about Longo with an ugh, fairly or unfairly. Funny how things change. But early Branca still sounds as genius as it did then. More so even maybe. ** Hedi, I would really love to do a Hedi-curated Klossowski Day, so if you don't mind and have the time, please do send the images and texts. That would be amazing. The only Bernarnos book I've read is the Bresson related one for the obvious reason. I liked it very much. I'll see if I can find an English copy of 'Monsieur Ouine' at Village Voice or Shakespeare & Co. Weird, I used to own a 16mm print of 'Country Priest' too, but I was so broke one time that I sold it to a friend of mine named Jack Shear, photographer and boyfriend of Ellsworth Kelly. You didn't buy it from Jack perchance? ** Yeah, it's that time again. See you tomorrow.

Jacques Tati Day

The sublime French film director Jacques Tati (1907 - 1982) made only six feature films during his life, but at least three of them -- 'Monsieur Hulot's Holiday' (1953), 'Mon Oncle' (1958), and 'Playtime' (1967) -- are roundly and rightfully considered to be among the great films of the 20th century. Tati's work is often described as the modernist meets post-modernist equivalent of the films of Buster Keaton and Charles Chaplin, and while Tati's incredible genius for physical comedy easily ranks him among those forebearers and obvious influences, I'm personally in the camp that sees him less as a maker of comedies than as an idiocyncratic, singular director of experimental formalist films in which physical comedy is less the point than the excuse, the main ingredient, the protagonist to the work's antagonistic, meticulous, obsessively cerebral nature. To crowd pleaser critic Roger Ebert, Tati is "the great philosophical tinkerer of comedy." To Michel Gondry, Tati is "the director I would cut my throat to be." Whatever the case, his body of work is one of the world's most rangily admired, having been cited as an influence by filmmakers as disparate as Kubrick, Godard, and Marker on the one hand, and Rowan Atkinson, the Farrelly Brothers, and Matt Stone/Trey Parker on the other. To me, Jacques Tati is one of the gods, so here's my day for him, and I hope you enjoy.

Watch the original 1967 trailer for 'Playtime'

In 2003, 'Playtime' was meticulously restored and fleshed out with several 'lost' scenes Tati had been forced to cut for the film's original release. This short piece describes the decision to restore the film, the process, and the changes made.

A very interesting, behind-the-scenes piece by the writer and journalist Peter Lennon. Assigned to interview Tati on the set of 'Playtime,' he was drafted into being an extra in the film then wound up co-writing the script with Tati.

Webpage with a 'Mon Oncle' description, FAQ, walkthrough, and stills.

Watch a three-plus minute scene from 'Mon Oncle.' It's unfortunately dubbed into Spanish, but since Tati's film uses dialogue minimally as a kind of structural component and texture, it's worth a look.

An excellent short essay taken from the booklet accompanying the Criterion Collection's DVD of 'Mon Oncle.'

Jacques Tati's Official Website might well be the most beautiful, lustrously designed, and generally superb website accorded any great filmmaker. Even if you're not wildly inclined to examine his work, the site is very worth a visit and might cause you to decide otherwise.

The 'Senses of Cinema' site has a fine introductory piece on Tati's films, including an insightful comparison between the somewhat tragic career trajectories of Tati and Orson Welles.

When Tati died, a purportedly unfinished film circa 1978, ultimately titled 'Forza Bastia 1978 ou l'ile en fete,' was found among his belongings. In 2002, Tati's daughter edited the footage, and the film has been shown here and there, although there's much controversy among Tati buffs as whether this film is a legitimite Tati work. On this Italian page, you can watch the film's trailer. Look for the trailer link beneath the poster in the upper middle part of the page.

Before Jacques Tati died, he was planning to make a film called 'Confusion,' a satire on American television, which was to be a collaboration with Ron and Russell Mael of the band Sparks. Little is known about this film, but Russell Mael talks briefly about it in this recent interview.

The next film by Sylvain Chomet, the young French director of the amazing animated film 'Triplettes of Belleville,' is an animated film based on an unproduced script written by Jacques Tati titled 'The illusionist,' which Tati originally intended to be a live action film. Chomet speaks about the Tati project in an interview here.


p.s. It's a holiday in France. Ascension Day. Is that a holiday other places? I'm assuming it's religious by the name. (Forgive me, I was raised with minimal religion exposure, so a lot of this stuff is news to me.) So I want to run something by some of you. Statictick, who's making the trailer for the 'Userlands' anthology, proposed doing a big event in Detroit when the book comes out. So my question is, How many of you anthology contributors -- or non-contributors for that matter -- live within traveling distance from Detroit and would be theoretically into coming there for the event? Akashic doesn't have a budget to move contributors around or lodge them, so that'd be up to you. If you think you'd want to go to such a Detroit-based event and could swing it, let me and statictick know in the comments section, okay? Of course there'll be reading/launch events in other cities too, so it's not a matter of Detroit or nowhere. It's just a matter of figuring out if enough of you could attend and/or perform to make holding it a viable option. Thanks. ** Porcelain skull, Thanks for the alert, and the rest of you, definitely support the label and bands. You will not be sorry, trust me. ** Jim hollands, Ditto to you for the myspace link, and ditto to everyone about the recommendation to check it out. ** Glenj, On the offchance you're reading this, thanks for the hello, and I'll hope to meet you (and Koes, of course) someday. ** Joey, Hey, there. I like horror fiction in general, but I have a hard time with a lot of it because the actual writing doesn't interest me. So the writers I read are pretty random and tangential to the genre like Lansdale, Brite, Siratori, etc. I tend to read more anthologies than actual novels or books of stories by one writer because I'm always on the search for something startling. So who do you recommend? And on Kathy Acker, 'Rip Off Red' is pretty distinct for her, very early work. I'd say the best place to go forward with her, if you haven't tried it yet, is a book called 'Portrait of an Eye' that contains three of her earlier novels -- '.. Black Tarantula ...,' '... Nymphomaniac ...,' and '... Toulouse Lautrec ...' The other one you might try is 'Kathy Goes to Haiti.' Thanks. ** Cautivos, Hey. I haven't read enough Paglia to have a definitive opinion. I've gotten a kick out of some of her stuff, but other of her stuff irks me. I don't know what Lorrie Moore is up to. You like her work? Nope, have never seen Pynchon or Salinger, though people I know who know what Pynchon looks like see him a lot walking around in NYC. Rodrigo Fresan, okay? I'll hunt him down. And obviously a Simpsons or South Park character of me would be an 'I can die now' occurence, albeit the longest shot in the world. It's totally sweet of you to suggest that. ** Jack, So there you are, i.e. your pix. You look weirdly familiar. Hm. Have we met before? ** David ehrenstein, So the Leonard Cohen docu isn't so hot? Oh, that's too bad. I was hoping on that one. I'll see it anyway, but ... No question that I'll see Bill Jones' show. No way would I miss it. ** Antonio, You lift weights? Who here lifts weights? I'm serious. I think I lifted one weight once about twenty years ago, though some of my best friends lift them. But back to you, antonio. You've been to the Louvre? When? Have you see Da Vinci Code? Tell me honestly. I think I'm going to see it tonight. I'm just too fucking curious now to see what the fuck it is because I'm never going to read that book. ** Tosh, Enjoy today, I hope. Me being a hopeless email writer, let's meet up when I'm in LA and talk about this respective Bresson/Sparks books idea. You game? I don't know my exact dates, but it'll be from like about the 16th for ten or so days. ** Xkoesj, Thanks for nudging your guy. It's looking good at the moment for at least a short Holland trip in early June, to Amsterdam at least. Any chance you (and adjoun) could swing through there? It's not that close to Oss. Anyway, we'll talk. ** Killer luka, You're welcome. Primo Levi is an eye-opening fella, I totally agree. ** Danny, Hey there and welcome. I'm a pretty diehard pop guy myself. Well, so-called intelligent pop at least. The cheese stuff is hard for me. But I mean since GBV broke up my favorite band in the world is New Pornographers specifically because they make me so deliriously happy. But I do love and need noise too. And I have to disagree with you about Sunn0))), but then I'm doing a project with Stephen O'Malley from the band, so I'm not the most objective person here. Anyway, very interesting post, thanks. Stick around. ** C., Do you mean me, or do you mean you, or do you mean just in general? ** Katsim, I'm with you. Real, unfucked up, uncomplicated pleasure is rare enough in this world that denying yourself such a harmless, meaningless, yet true pleasure seems like masochism or something. ** Adjoun, Blasting something from yesterday's post should do the trick. ** Lost child, Wasn't that Glenn Branca clip awesome? I love his early work so much -- Symphony No. 1, The Spectacular Commodity, etc. Yum yum. My continued warm thoughts to you about your lost friend. Take care. ** Joe mills, Yeah, I saw that pic. Definitely a photo shop deal, like David said, although they say Mr. Maguire has ... ** Chilly jay chill, Suggest and ye shall receive. Haven't heard the Rebore 0.0 CD. Definitely will. ** Tigersare, I never thanked you for the CDs? Man, I'm hopeless, and I utterly suck. Yeah, lovely stuff across the board, and very kind of you, sir. Tenniscoats was in there, yep. Hey, any progress or whatever on the possible Michael Brown Day? No pressure, no expectations, just wondering. ** Bradford, Your band is touring with Liars? Wow, very cool. Tell me/us more about this band of yours, if you don't mind. And pass along my respects to Aaron, if appropriate. Thanks. ** Angela, Re. 'Kindertotenlieder,' right now Stephen O'Malley and Pita/Peter are working on ideas for the music long distance since Stephen lives in NYC and Peter lives in Vienna. In mid-July, they're coming to Paris to spend a week in a studio/rehearsal space creating the music for the piece. Then in early August, everyone will gather here to begin working officially on the piece. I can't wait. Thanks for asking. ** Ethan. Slay that traffic with your iPod and your love. ** Postitbreakup, The closest I came to a mental breakdown was two very scary and intense drug related psychotic episodes-slash-nervous breakdowns when I was a teenager. But as far as people I know, yes, I've had several friends suffer mental breakdowns, and they're all okay now. I do read your blog. I just don't post comments. I guess I should so you'll know I'm there. Okay, I will. ** Hedi, Oh, maybe my LA time and the Altman retrospective will align. Are they showing new prints? Oh, and were you serious about organizing that Blog Day? As with tigersare, no sweat whatsoever if not. I'm just mentally organizing the blog's future. ** Garrison, Yeah, the word on Richard Kelley's new film is really bad. I must say that last night on a Cannes-related show on TV here they showed some clips from it, and it did look like a complete disaster, potentially one of those worst ever movie candidates. The dialogue was shockingly pretentious/stupid, and the filmmaking had an artsy fartsy, self-indulgent, genius wannabe over the top quality that bode very, very poorly. But we'll see. ** 2hb, Wow, hey. Go Dodgers! They're pulling out their slump a little, yes? Gagne's almost fit to go again, right? Oh, please dear God, etc. I want to go to a game so badly. With you maybe? ** Happy Ascension Day, I guess.

Free Noise Day

This site contains an amazing storage tank of free downloadable experimental music from almost every genre in the field, made by artists well known, semi-known, and obscure. Selections range from tracks by extreme noise artists du jour to more traditional avant-garde composition styles past and present, say Alfredo Costa Monteiro's 'Paper Music,' where the music derives from the highly organized crumpling of pieces of paper. Check out the wealth of material here and here.

For their 2002 International Festival of Digital Art, Lovebytes solicited short experimental films from around the world. The 'best' submissions were shown at the festival, and a number of them can be downloaded here for free, including short works by musicians Pita/Peter Rehberg, Fennesz, SKOT, Farmers Manual, Christian Marclay, and others.

Koji Tano (1961-2005) was a major figure in the electronic music scene in Tokyo -- an artist, dj, mentor, facilitator, and influence on the generation of Japanese music artists whose work has been tagged with the moniker Japanoise. When he died, a shitload of noise musicians worldwide contributed tracks to a 10 CD tribute album which can be downloaded for free here.

Video:

1. Boris 'Ibitsu'
2. Wolf Eyes live in Flint, Michigan
3. Acid Mothers Temple & Afrirampo live & acapella
4. Acid Mothers Temple live in Stockholm
5. Damo Suzuki Network live in Nagoya
6. Boredoms 'Super Go!' live
7. Boredoms 'Vision Creation Newsun' movie
8. Boredoms live in New York
9. Afrirampo live in Glasgow
10. Lightning Bolt live in Baltimore
11. Lightning Bolt live in Louisville
12. Sunn0))) live in Seattle
13. Sunn0))) 'Orthodox Cavemen Drone' live
14. Bloodyminded live at No Fun Festival
15. Whitehouse live in Vienna
16. Spacemen 3 'Hypnotised' live
17. Glenn Branca live 1978
18. Fennesz live at Lovebytes Festival
19. Noriko Tujiko 'Fly'
20. German TV documentary on Merzbow
21. Black Dice 'Smiling Off'
22. Liars live in London
23. Magik Markers live in Nottingham
24. Ruins live in NYC
25. C.C.C.C. live 1992


p.s. Obviously, I'm really happy you guys enjoyed yourselves as much I enjoyed you. Are we not Mr. & Ms. Cools? I think so. Thanks again for your generous input and ... well, for just being you. ** Postitbreakup, Not that there was a best captions contest, but if there had been, I would have declared you the winner. ** Doug_wasted, Nick Cave, smart man. ** Adjoun, There weren't any real surprises in the sense I think you mean. Let's see... Well, lost child has such a strange and beautiful and mysterious voice that just seeing any body attached to it was surprise, although I had no preconceptions as to his looks, age, gender, etc., so he himself was not disconcerting. Otherwise, well, I know what nikolas looks like, and since the portrait he chose looks almost nothing like the nikolas I know, there was some surprise there. ** Eddie beverage, Maybe the problem is I hold no lust for nor even much interest in Jared Leto. ** David ehrenstein, Nice pic of you w/ Todd. ** Statictick, I'll write you today. ** Chilly jay chill, Okay, this is spooky. In fact, Jacques Tati Day was already in the works and is imminent. Maybe your comparison is certifiable, but I'm deeply honored by it, and I think he is in fact quite an influence on my work. One of my to-do plans is to try to write a novel that would be the fictional equivalent of Tati's films. So there you go. Thanks a lot, you psychic. ** Tender prey, I really like Minimal Compact. One of them is married to Wire's Colin Newman. Talk about a power couple. ** C., Thanks for posting your pic, albeit off-site. That rectangle of your face is very, very nice. Next time how about adding an ear or, dare I say it, your mouth? ** Garrison, After my schpiel yesterday about the bad buzz on 'Volver' at the Cannes Film Festival, I saw a show on TV here last night where in fact it was announced that it's the film with the best buzz of all and a likely winner of the Palme d'Or. So shows what I know. I guess we'll see what the deal is tonight when they give out the prizes. ** Nick, Some scary motherfucking things on your trauma list, yikes. ** Vomitingghosts, Man, what you wrote honestly almost made me cry. Really and truly, thank you. This blog is really kind of magic. I feel luckier every day. ** Ogle on, listen up, and take care.

55 Self-Portraits

christopher michael stamm

hedi

"it's not a surprising choice. Since that's the pix that's displayed on my post, so I apologize. My mother painted that when I was 12, 13(?) years old. I bought and did the AC/DC iron-on transfer myself on that jacket and I was very proud of that."

lost child

chilly jay chill

ethan

sypha23

dynomoose

josh feola

"(It might take some adjusting time to see the image emerge from the blackness.)"

blake

"blake age 11" 40x50 by matt lifson

nikolas

perspects