vomitingghosts

This is a photograph of one of my best friends and the woman I’ve been sometimes secretly and sometimes not-so-secretly in love with for like seven or eight years now. She lives in San Francisco and I haven’t met her yet. But now that I have a good job and some money coming in, I’m hoping to get out there if not for Christmas then in February. I met her on the internet in a Yahoo poetry chat room when I was in high school and sort of in the last throes of a relationship. And our relationship just keeps growing stronger, I think. She’s the most beautiful person I’ve never known. It’s awkward sometimes though because of how strongly I feel about her and yet there’s the whole internet stigma thing. People just don’t understand—at least not around here. It’s difficult and takes a lot of energy to convince my friends or my family that this is just as real (if not a hundred times more so) than if we met at some bookstore or bar or at some concert or whatever. Really. There are a few other people I sort of have desires for but they’re different… not exactly sexual, just desire to mend broken ties and things like that. But she’s definitely sexual along with everything else. I want to say something poetic but all I can come up with is our relationship, at least for me, is like walking an endless beach, and every day finding a new buried treasure containing things always more astonishing than in the last.